Marry Only in the Lord: Why Your Marriage Covenant Shapes Your Destiny

"Marry, but marry only in the Lord. This one decision will shape every other covenant in your life."

Today we begin a new series on marriage, and I want both the married and the unmarried to listen carefully. Our text is short, but it carries a lot of weight:

"The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:39).

Only in the Lord. Paul gives freedom, and in the same sentence he gives a boundary. Marry whom you will, but only in the Lord.

An Old Conflict

From the beginning there has been a conflict between the children of God and the children of the wicked one. In most lives the biggest struggles come in two areas: finances and relationships. Marriage sits right in the middle of the second one.

Some people tell me, "I married an unbeliever, and everything is going well." It goes well only as long as the compromise lasts. The day you take a clear stand for Christ, the difference shows.

God Has Always Guarded the Marriages of His People

When Abraham looked for a wife for Isaac, he did not send his servant to the Canaanites around him. He said, "I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac" (Genesis 24:3-4). That journey brought Rebekah.

When God made His covenant with Israel, He warned them: "Take heed to thyself, lest thou make a covenant with the inhabitants of the land whither thou goest, lest it be for a snare in the midst of thee... For thou shalt worship no other god: for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God" (Exodus 34:12, 14). Read the whole passage, Exodus 34:10-16. Every time Israel mixed with the nations in marriage, destruction followed.

Samson and Ahab

Samson had the strength of God on him, yet he was brought down through the women of the Philistines (Judges 14 and 16). Ahab "took to wife Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal king of the Zidonians, and went and served Baal, and worshipped him" (1 Kings 16:31). One marriage turned a king, and then a whole nation, toward Baal. It took an Elijah to call them back.

Ezra and the Returning Exiles

When the exiles returned from Babylon, many had married outside God's people, and Ezra had to deal with it (Ezra 9-10). It was a painful season. God allowed it to be recorded so that we would not have to learn the same lesson the hard way.

Your Marriage Covenant Touches Every Other Covenant

Marriage is a covenant, and it affects all your other covenants, including your covenant with God. The influence of your spouse will take you up or take you down. I have watched it many times. When trouble comes, an unbelieving spouse pulls you toward the guru or the baba. Slowly your Sundays get sabotaged, and one day you stop coming to church altogether.

"Ye cannot drink the cup of the Lord, and the cup of devils: ye cannot be partakers of the Lord's table, and of the table of devils" (1 Corinthians 10:21).

Even in the law God said, "thou shalt not sow thy field with mingled seed" (Leviticus 19:19). The principle is clear. Two seeds that God has not joined should not be mixed.

I have also learned that when we question God's wisdom, we suffer. Once I went ahead my own way, and I came back humiliated, saying, "Lord, forgive me." His way is always the safer way.

What God Wants for Your Family

God wants shalom in families. He wants a family altar, a husband and wife of one mind, and children who are a blessing. He wants godly families.

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up" (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

Two are better than one. But the wrong two? Then one is better. Marriage is a lifelong decision. It alters destiny, and it is very expensive to get wrong.

When Both Stand on the Same Foundation

Every couple has differences. Differences can be worked out when both stand on the same basis: both fear God, both obey the Word, both accept counsel, and both belong to a church with sound teaching. You can marry across churches, cities or even countries if both are in the Lord, because we have one heavenly Father.

Marriage Is Not a Reformation Center

At a conference, a young woman asked me, "My boyfriend hits me. Should I marry him?" I told her that marriage is not a reformation center. If a person needs to change, the change must come before the wedding, not after it. Do not walk into a covenant hoping the covenant will fix someone.

A Word to the Unmarried

If you are waiting, I know it can be hard. Waiting is a cost you pay for the Lord, and He sees it. Do not settle outside His will because the wait feels long.

Young people, make a covenant with God now. Do not open ungodly relationships in school or college. Parents, train your children in this from an early age. Marrying an unbeliever is spiritual suicide. I have seen people cry tears of blood later.

So hear it again: marry, but only in the Lord. Say to Him today, "Lord, You are my first love."

The Marriage in the Lord Series

This is Part 1 of a 9-part teaching on marriage in the Lord. Here is the full series in order:

• Part 1: Marry Only in the Lord: Why Your Marriage Covenant Shapes Your Destiny (you are here)

• Part 2: The Wife's Role in Marriage: Helper, Glory and Keeper of the Home

• Part 3: The Husband's Role in Marriage: Dwell With Understanding and Honor

• Part 4: Becoming Ready for Marriage: Leave, Cleave and Choose Wisely

• Part 5: The Family God Builds: A Man's Calling as Leader, Lover and Protector

• Part 6: Love Her as Christ Loved the Church: The Husband as Priest, Teacher and Provider

• Part 7: How to Make Your Marriage Blessed: Fear God and Keep His Word

• Part 8: What God Has Joined: Faithfulness, Agreement and a Godly Seed

• Part 9: Pursue Peace in Your Marriage: Recognizing and Breaking Toxic Patterns

Next: Part 2: The Wife's Role

More Teaching Series

• The Mystery of Open and Closed Doors: Start with Part 1: The Stealer of Joy

• The Decision Series: Start with Part 1: Why Decisions Matter

• The Lordship Series: Start with Part 1: Is Jesus Your Lord or Only Your Savior?

Declarations

• Jesus is my first love, and He comes before every relationship.

• I will marry only in the Lord.

• My marriage covenant will strengthen my covenant with God, not weaken it.

• I will not sow my field with mingled seed.

• I wait on God's timing, and my waiting is not wasted.

• My family will be a godly family with an altar of prayer.

Stay Connected & Grow Deeper

• Watch the full message: Part 1 of the Marriage in the Lord series on YouTube. Please note that the message is preached in Hindi.

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