Becoming Ready for Marriage: Leave, Cleave and Choose Wisely
"Never mistake beauty for faithfulness. Become the person you want to be before you look for the person you want to marry."
We are continuing in 1 Peter 3:7, and this week I want to speak about becoming ready for marriage and choosing wisely. The goal of this whole series is simple: that family blessings come into every life.
Relationships Are the Number One Problem
When I look at the problems people bring to me, the number one reason is relationships. Money comes next. But what good is money if you are alone?
Today there is a culture of the solo life. But how long will you fill your life with things?
Two Kinds of Alone
There are two kinds of alone. One is truly alone. The other is alone in a crowd, and that one is more dangerous. "And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him" (Genesis 2:18).
During the lockdown I traveled to the mountains in Himachal. The views were beautiful, but I learned that joy needs someone to share it with.
Many of us in this church came to Christ from other faiths, and our families became divided. If you are young and unmarried, it is not too late. Make your covenant with God now.
A Man Must Become Capable
"And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her" (Genesis 29:20). Jacob worked hard before he married. A man must become capable before marriage.
Paul worked, and God used even what came from his hands. "So that from his body were brought unto the sick handkerchiefs or aprons, and the diseases departed from them" (Acts 19:12). God wants men rooted in purpose and excellent in their gifts. A man without the labor of his hands becomes a man without purpose.
So first become what you want to be.
Leave and Cleave
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24).
Parents must not interfere with or control a new marriage. Let the new unit have a new beginning. This does not mean forgetting your heritage, and it does not mean you stop caring for your parents. It means the new home has its own head.
A Man Makes His Own Decisions
A man must be able to make his own decisions and choose a direction. Don't marry someone who cannot make their own decisions.
A Helper, Not a Competitor
A wife is a helper, not a challenger or a competitor. You are on the same team.
The Child Is Not Above the Husband
Wives, do not let a child become more important than your husband. The child will grow up, marry and leave.
Learn From Others
There are three kinds of people. Some learn from their own mistakes. Some never learn. The wise learn from the mistakes of others. Watch, listen and learn before you walk into the same trap.
Choose Wisely
Don't marry by face, color or money. Never mistake beauty for faithfulness. Peter says a woman's beauty should not be "that outward adorning... But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price" (1 Peter 3:3-4).
Who Not to Marry
Don't marry an addict.
Don't marry someone with no vision and no purpose.
Don't marry an abuser.
Don't marry a bitter person.
And if you say, "My spouse does not believe," remember what we said in Part 1. That problem stays until one of you changes.
What Makes a Man
Hitting a woman does not make you a man. But a weak, passive man is not good either. A man is "the image and glory of God" (1 Corinthians 11:7). Part of that glory is sexual purity. Keep yourself.
"Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers" (Proverbs 17:6). Your children will one day look to you as their glory. Live in a way that gives them something to be proud of.
When Godly Leadership Is Removed
Isaiah describes a judgment on Jerusalem in which God takes away "the mighty man, and the man of war, the judge, and the prophet" and says, "I will give children to be their princes, and babes shall rule over them" (Isaiah 3:2, 4). Read Isaiah 3:1-5. Losing godly leadership in a land is a judgment. We need men who will rise up and lead their homes in the fear of God.
The Marriage in the Lord Series
This is Part 4 of a 9-part teaching on marriage in the Lord. Here is the full series in order:
Part 1: Marry Only in the Lord: Why Your Marriage Covenant Shapes Your Destiny
Part 2: The Wife's Role in Marriage: Helper, Glory and Keeper of the Home
Part 3: The Husband's Role in Marriage: Dwell With Understanding and Honor
Part 4: Becoming Ready for Marriage: Leave, Cleave and Choose Wisely (you are here)
Part 5: The Family God Builds: A Man's Calling as Leader, Lover and Protector
Part 6: Love Her as Christ Loved the Church: The Husband as Priest, Teacher and Provider
Part 7: How to Make Your Marriage Blessed: Fear God and Keep His Word
Part 8: What God Has Joined: Faithfulness, Agreement and a Godly Seed
Part 9: Pursue Peace in Your Marriage: Recognizing and Breaking Toxic Patterns
Previous: Part 3: The Husband's Role
More Teaching Series
The Mystery of Open and Closed Doors: Start with Part 1: The Stealer of Joy
The Decision Series: Start with Part 1: Why Decisions Matter
The Lordship Series: Start with Part 1: Is Jesus Your Lord or Only Your Savior?
Declarations
I will become the person God called me to be before I look for a spouse.
I will not marry by face, color or money.
I will leave and cleave, and honor my parents.
I will be a helper and a partner, not a competitor.
I will learn from the mistakes of others.
I will keep myself pure, and my life will be a glory to my children.
Stay Connected & Grow Deeper
Watch the full message: Part 4 of the Marriage in the Lord series on YouTube. Please note that the message is preached in Hindi.
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