Pursue Peace in Your Marriage: Recognizing and Breaking Toxic Patterns
"Peace will not chase you until you start chasing peace. Pursue it in your money, your relationships, your words and your home."
A month of this year has already gone. Time is moving fast, so let's use it well.
Whatever results we want, we have to teach for them. That is true in the church, and it is true for parents with their children. Change in anyone's life comes when they receive teaching.
Here is a simple principle: thank the important people in your family, your husband, your wife, your parents, while they are alive. Don't wait.
Our foundation is again Ecclesiastes 12:13. "Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man."
Pursue Peace
Peace is one of the signs of God's presence in a life. Peace with God, and peace with people. These changes come in God's presence, through the leading of the Holy Spirit, and through the teaching of the Word.
But peace will not chase you until you chase peace. Some people have designed their lives in a way that peace cannot live there.
Peace is very important to me personally. As a child I had everything, but I did not have peace. I only found it when I came to know Jesus. Even after that, people and circumstances around you will try to take it. So you have to learn how to pursue it.
Peace With Money
If I make wrong decisions with money, my finances will stay in trouble. Many people have no peace because of the burden of debt or financial mismanagement. When wisdom comes, your relationship with money becomes a wise one. "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19). "The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want" (Psalm 23:1). Start today. It may take six months or a year, but start.
Peace With People
If my relationships are not right, they will be a constant source of stress. Peace comes when you accept that the other person is the way they are, because you are the way you are too. The first war is our effort to change them.
Peace Through Blessing
Blessings lift a life. Many go out to earn money but never earn blessings. We need the blessing of our parents.
Peace With Your Tongue
If we cannot control our mouth, especially in anger, we cannot have peace. Once the gate of anger opens, it steals your breakthroughs. Don't just react. Be proactive. In some relationships you keep struggling because you keep being provoked and you keep reacting.
Ask for Wisdom
"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him" (James 1:5). This is not about your mental ability. It is a heavenly understanding of how to handle things.
Worrying changes nothing. Pray. Write things down. A life with no goal is a frustrated life.
Recognizing Toxic Patterns
Many of us have heard the word toxic. A toxic relationship is one where you start to doubt yourself because of how the other person treats you. I have seen lives and destinies destroyed because people stayed stuck in a toxic pattern with no light and no instruction. These patterns can show up in husbands and in wives.
1. Creating Self-Doubt
One sign is when your whole body language toward your spouse is negative. Another is when the one who did nothing wrong always ends up saying sorry.
2. Control and Perfectionism
A need to control, or a need for a perfect partner, turns into constant criticism.
3. Isolation
Cutting your spouse off from others is a warning sign.
4. No Personal Space
Give your spouse personal space. When a husband or wife comes home tired, let them rest and unwind.
5. Removing Their Support System
Taking away someone's support system is the height of wickedness. When we go through hard times and persecution, we need those people.
Keep Your Home's Matters Private
Why would you give the private details of your home to a stranger? If you need help, take proper counseling.
Two Kinds of Believers
There are two kinds of believers. One kind goes from church to church, worships and arrives on time, yet there is no sign of God in their life, physically, emotionally, financially or in their relationships. The other kind discovers the principles of God's Word and learns to walk in His presence. The more principles you discover, the more your life is transformed.
Some will stay in the same struggle for the rest of their lives unless relational change and wisdom come. Ask God for wisdom about how to deal with the situation in front of you.
Remember What We Have Learned
Marriage is not a curse.
Don't choose a spouse by beauty or makeup. Choose someone who can believe God for the same things you believe Him for.
If the two have not become one, they cannot start a new unit. Parents-in-law, please use wisdom. Give your married children freedom, and don't become a curse over their marriage.
There is power in agreement. When a couple is divided, the children come under attack and become rebellious and confused.
Between two believers, there is no marriage that cannot be made right.
A Vision for Our Families
My prayer is that this series challenges and blesses us, and that families grow. I see families established in Christ, men leading their children and women as strong followers. A green tree gives shade to many. Let our families be that kind of tree.
The Marriage in the Lord Series
This is Part 9 of a 9-part teaching on marriage in the Lord. Here is the full series in order:
Part 1: Marry Only in the Lord: Why Your Marriage Covenant Shapes Your Destiny
Part 2: The Wife's Role in Marriage: Helper, Glory and Keeper of the Home
Part 3: The Husband's Role in Marriage: Dwell With Understanding and Honor
Part 4: Becoming Ready for Marriage: Leave, Cleave and Choose Wisely
Part 5: The Family God Builds: A Man's Calling as Leader, Lover and Protector
Part 6: Love Her as Christ Loved the Church: The Husband as Priest, Teacher and Provider
Part 7: How to Make Your Marriage Blessed: Fear God and Keep His Word
Part 8: What God Has Joined: Faithfulness, Agreement and a Godly Seed
Part 9: Pursue Peace in Your Marriage: Recognizing and Breaking Toxic Patterns (you are here)
Previous: Part 8: What God Has Joined
More Teaching Series
The Mystery of Open and Closed Doors: Start with Part 1: The Stealer of Joy
The Decision Series: Start with Part 1: Why Decisions Matter
The Lordship Series: Start with Part 1: Is Jesus Your Lord or Only Your Savior?
Declarations
I pursue peace, and peace rules my home.
I will be wise with money, and my God supplies all my need.
I accept others as they are, as God accepts me.
I will guard my tongue and close the gate of anger.
I will not isolate, control or tear down my spouse.
My family will be a green tree that gives shade to many.
Stay Connected & Grow Deeper
Watch the full message: Part 9 of the Marriage in the Lord series on YouTube. Please note that the message is preached in Hindi.
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